loneliness magnifies in the still of the night
i just got home from closing..
haven showered cos i dont wanna lose this moment..
the state of mind that i am in now...

today's azhar's 2nd last closing in starbucks...
but its my last closing with him...
yimei and vanessa came down to see him...

closing was fine...
there wasn't at much of emo nemo moments...
like how boys will always keep their emotions inside...
besides, azhar's not the emo nemo kind...
but i just can't imagine starbucks without azhar...
no more army stories,
no more makcik keropok stories
no more silly jokes...
and no more azhar's crack moments..

without him, there'll be so much lesser crap..
so much lesser laughter...
sighs...
i'll miss him so much...
i hope i dont cry on wednesday...

there was no transit today..
oliver sent me and dan...
him first then me...

we were just outside marine parade library
when dan said something about missing someone...
something that i never thought he'd say...

for the first time,
i realised that under all that smiley, cheerful facade,
dan is actually real,
someone who will actually miss someone...
someone who will actually get lonely too...

this sudden confession triggered an unsettling fear in me...
a fear that i have been running away from...
a fear that i have been avoiding by burying myself in work...
work so hard and get so tired that you wun feel it...
the fear of loneliness...
but more often that not,
loneliness is so loud that your can't hide...
so overbearing that you'll wanna put a shell through your mind...