28th August 2009, 2am
Just got home from closing…

The Oracles of Delphi had seen it coming…
But Zeus had been merciful…
In his rage,
He had not hurled thunder bolts from the heavens above…
He had not roared till Gaia shook in fear…
He had not smite the guilty with all his warth…

As Goddess of the night, Nyx, scatters darkness over the lands,
The gods above weep silently…
Mourning the fall of Eros, God of passion and love…
Tears fall from their divine realm, landing gently on the earth beneath…

As Apollo spurs his steeds from afar,
The burning sphere he brings shall drive the night from Man’s heart…

In this cold darkness, men snuggle close…
Drawing body heat from each other as they fall under Hypnos’s spells…
Loneliness prows like a lynx amongst these men,
Searching for the sleepless one…

Loneliness is never waiting by the door,
It sweeps right through and will never be ignored…

Hera O Hera,
Why wouldn’t you save me from this ravaging beast?
Lift me from this torment and
Set me on the warm sands in Apollo’s realm…

if only you knew how much i wanna tell you..

Just got up.
Was supposed to blog and post last night…
but din managed to do so…
either too busy texting or too deep in thoughts…

24th August, 2009
Had store meeting after work..
The much anticipated store meeting had almost full attendance…
First part of meeting was boring…
(I swear I was falling asleep)

Second part of the meeting was exciting…
arrows flew everywhere, mostly in 1 direction rather…
but poor nan xing took some damage from mak janda…
me and asyron were unscattered…
Michael was heavily criticized…
(he deserves it lar..)

25th August, 2009
Was listening to sun yanzi on the way to work…

“哦……只是远行不是逃避
告别是为延续回忆永恒的华丽
你……要照顾自己不要忘记
那些灿烂过的痕迹
放心离开我我会记得这一刻
那些还飞翔着不可思异的梦
雨后的天空会有绚烂的彩虹
像最初相信着我会找到自由自由”

I tried to imagine how it’d feel like at that very moment in time…
Fear and pain struck like a harpoon…
Embedding itself where it hurts the most…
Quickly changed song to avoid sinking into my emotions…

Reached store soon after…
Was leaning coach for DR again…
But din really coach him a lot today since he’s quite ok le..
So just work like normal lor, house keeping and all…

26th August, 2009
Off today so can sleep abit longer..
But got woken up at 11…
My brother, (read: pain-in-my-ass) was clicking away maniacally on the mouse…
**sighs**

Bestfriend’s away on field camp till Thursday

ok, finally got time to blog...
or rather finally got the energy to blog...
hahah...
was supposed to blog yesterday but was simply too tired...

so lets see...
friday, yes friday,
woke up later cos i wasn't working...
so wake up,
eat,
eat again,
eat somemore...
then chill and read my book outside the house...
sista picked me up around 4+..
went to his aunt's office to run some errands,
then to nus to pick up arthur darling..
dinner and some shopping after that...

saturday,
learning coach the whole day with DR...
fought with mak janda again..
hateful butch...
she's damn immature can...
never mind, shall lash out at store meeting tml...

met up with bestfriend for dinnner...
billy bombers cathay cineleisure...
din watch a movie cos it was too late...
so walked around abit...

so sunday...
worked opening...
late again..
opening manager supposed to be chun pei...
but ended up being mak janda...
sian...
thank god michael was really nice today...
keep making me laugh...

had dinner with the big family...
famn full now.. burp!!

oh yes...
talk about blushing and aching cheeks...
wakakakakaka...
what a good way to keep your blood circulating...
some names just got the power...
neoy neoy neoy~~~

loneliness magnifies in the still of the night
i just got home from closing..
haven showered cos i dont wanna lose this moment..
the state of mind that i am in now...

today's azhar's 2nd last closing in starbucks...
but its my last closing with him...
yimei and vanessa came down to see him...

closing was fine...
there wasn't at much of emo nemo moments...
like how boys will always keep their emotions inside...
besides, azhar's not the emo nemo kind...
but i just can't imagine starbucks without azhar...
no more army stories,
no more makcik keropok stories
no more silly jokes...
and no more azhar's crack moments..

without him, there'll be so much lesser crap..
so much lesser laughter...
sighs...
i'll miss him so much...
i hope i dont cry on wednesday...

there was no transit today..
oliver sent me and dan...
him first then me...

we were just outside marine parade library
when dan said something about missing someone...
something that i never thought he'd say...

for the first time,
i realised that under all that smiley, cheerful facade,
dan is actually real,
someone who will actually miss someone...
someone who will actually get lonely too...

this sudden confession triggered an unsettling fear in me...
a fear that i have been running away from...
a fear that i have been avoiding by burying myself in work...
work so hard and get so tired that you wun feel it...
the fear of loneliness...
but more often that not,
loneliness is so loud that your can't hide...
so overbearing that you'll wanna put a shell through your mind...

was supposed to blog this a few days ago but din...
was either too tired or too uncomfortable to blog...
so i'll just do it now..

so it says:
blogging on paper now...
don't wanna sit in front of the computer for too long...
a few things to say..

arthur's back from amasterdam!
away for 10 days!
away from the heat and the humidity...
such good life.. wakakkaka

boss just called to ask me to help out at air port on monday...
17th august...
we're launching "Java Mondays" at the air port...
TRANSIT TERMINAL!!!!
*whoohooo*
anyone needs to buy stuff tell me...
even better that transport is provided...
:DDDD

anyway i just finished reading book 2 of the wicked years...
the broadway show, WICKED,
is a production adapted from this series...
so since i can't fly to NY to watch the broadway show,
so i'd just be satisfied with reading the book...
plus you get more details at a smaller price tag...
wonder if should buy the book 3...
then i'd complete the whole series...

i'm reading ALEXNDER, child of a dream...
i kope-d the book from my store...
hee...

oh yes,
i found out that a regular eye candy customer of mine,
comes in the morning,
is married with 3 kids!
(i swear i went like oh..)
so it went like this..
me: "would you like any breakfast today?"
(cos CK bought like SB breakfast platter the day b4)
CK: "Nah, i'm fine.. had mine already"
me: "oh ok.. so early?"
CK: "yeah yeah, my day starts early.."
me: "how come leh?"
CK: "gotta get up early and send my kids to school"

me: "Oh..."
read "oh" as in oh, disappointed, not oh i see, oh.
**reacts quickly to divert topic**

i swear my heart sank immediately..
damn...

then was fish's sabo party...
wakakakakaka...
blended banana fruit with skin on, chai, nutmeg, cinnamon, irish cream, SFV, whipped cream, muffins, white mocha, sugar syrup, soured milk...
gotta be the worse BL has seen... SO FAR...
more to come!

its slightly past 12am now...
i'm working later today at 11am...
but i cant sleep...
not yet...
maybe its too early for me or sth...
i don't know either...
my bio clock is screwed now...
can't sleep till like 3plus in the morning...
all credits goes to being the store's frequent closer...
i'm not trying to say anything here..
just in case someone's trying to put words in my mouth...

was lying in bed earlier (about 10 minutes ago)
my mind started to wander...
wondering to all sorts of places it shouldn't...
thinking about stuff that i shouldn't be thinking of...
well maybe more of people, relationships, family...

there was this particular person...
someone i used to be really closed to...
but now we're no longer in contact...
for simplicity sake, lets call this person X...

i dont know why X keeps appearing in my head so often recently...
it was all fine a while back...
until this particular customer came...
that customer really felt like X...
looks, actions and all...

i tried not to let that face linger in my head
lest it generates unnecessary thoughts....
but it did.. unfortunately...
it made me think...
about people...
about relationships...
about family...
how all these link up when 2 people come together...

i did wonder,
what if X never existed?
what would have changed if i never knew X?
what would have been different?

bastian says i miss X...
but i dont think so...
more like i resent X...
its like how multiple deep wounds would leave scars...
wounds that takes forever to heal...
scars that wont fade...
memories that linger...

i dont know if i'm really over this...
as much as i tell myself yes i am...
but look at me now...
**sighs**

anyway,
i'm listening to this song called twilight by meldoy gardot...
go youtube it...
maybe you'll feel what i feel....

well there is another issue...
this issue has got links with X but not everything...
its mostly about me....

ME...
weifeng...

what do you see when you look at me?
who am i? really...

somebody please throw some light on it...
elucidate me please...

this identity is slowly eroding my sanity...
i don't need another pretence sanity of dorian gray
neither do i need another Dr jekyll and Mr hyde...

i wanna be me.
and just me.
not me, Me...
if you get my drift that is...
haiya...
i haven told this to bestfriend cos he's already asleep...
lest it affects his rapelling activity tml..
rather later today...

sighs...
goodnight...